Stereotype Your Parent

Maybe your parents have always been on your case to maintain a 3.9 GPA, or maybe your parents could care less about whether or not you even go to college. Regardless of what kind of parent you have---all parents make a startling transformation once they realize they’re in the throes of the college application process and inevitably conform to one of the four following stereotypes. 

The Westpoint Parent
Forces you to drop and “do 10” if your GPA drops more than
.0000001 of a point
Demands to sit in on admissions meetings to “get a better idea
of the school’s criteria”
Calls your essay “complete crap” and refuses to buy you food until
it’s re-written
Insists you dress up like an admissions officer for Halloween

The “I’m Just Like You” Parent
Refers to you as “dude” while lamenting that whole application process is really a “bummer”
Calls your essay totally “rad”
Uses “WTF” in texts and IM’s a little too liberally
Replaces hugs with lots of “high fives”

The Clueless Parent
Asks you what grade you’re in
Thinks that applying to college involves writing a really nice letter to
the admissions office
Informs college that there’s a “misprint” on the Tuition page of the brochure
Asks guidance counselor if admissions officers would prefer to review child’s Apgar score instead of high school grades

The New Age Parent
Hires spiritual advisor instead of college counselor to guide you through process
Suggests you spend your college interview in a meditative trance
Wants to know if you can submit your application via energy fields instead of online
Believes that Mother Earth is the Director of Undergraduate Admissions at your first choice school

The Hypersensitive Parent
Believes you’re only going to college to run away from home
Interprets essay about dog dying as a subliminal death wish
Insists you called your private college counselor “Mama”
Breaks down sobbing when you separate at college fairs

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